This is not a translation but an original piece of writing that I did back in high school (way back in 2000) that a friend wanted me post. So here we go with and updated version. I hope you enjoy it.
We all know and fondly remember the characters, setting, and stories of Winnie the Pooh. There are not a lot things that have managed to stay family friendly and last for decades. Unfortunately all this wholesome goodness does not hold up when you start to take a closer look at the characters and their relationships. What follows is going to sound really out there, but if you look closely at the world of Winnie the Pooh you will find that it is all there. But it is not like this is unprecedented. This is my interpretation of what all the characters stand for and if you offended by what you read I apologize, but you are just going to have to deal with it.
Let's start with the man himself: Winnie the Pooh
Winnie the Pooh: The title character the that the series focuses on is in reality a homosexual that just cannot come out and admit the he is, in fact, gay. We see him continuously attempting to reject and mask his sexual orientation by continually eating and seeking a large number of "honey pots", which of course are meant to interpreted as a symbol for the vagina. Try though as he might to "eat the gay away", eating all those "honey pots" still does not change the fact he is gay. Now you may be thinking that just because a bear likes to eat honey does not in any meaningful way imply their sexual orientation. You would be right. However, you should also know that his relationship with his lover, the diminutive Piglet, will reveal the truth of my words. And he's a goddam bear. Let's move on to Piglet.
Piglet: Pooh's short lover is in fact openly gay. His general behavior, mannerisms, and voice come across as stereotypical of depictions of gay males in the media. He shows true concern for Pooh's constant need to act straight and denial of his true feelings. This is best demonstrated when Pooh has become trapped in, and unable to release himself from, a giant hole filled with honey. Returning to the obvious vaginal symbolism of holes and honey, we can further argue that this also meant to show Pooh's inner conflict. While being trapped and unable to escape could be referring to his behavior in general, I think that this giant honey hole is in fact representing marriage with a woman that Pooh entered to maintain a facade of straightness.
This is situation is where we see the true depths of love that Piglet and Pooh have for each other. Piglet, securing the unwitting aid of the other denizens of the Hundred Acre Wood, finally manages to pull Pooh out of this gigantic honey repository, thus symbolizing Pooh's release from his loveless sham marriage and the constraints of a patriarchal, hetero-normative society.
Further evidence suggests that Pooh and Piglet live together, but during the "rainy/stormy days" in their relationship (e.g.seeking the honey pots, or other representations of a return to his former habits) Piglet returns to his own privately maintained house ( the Hundred Acre Wood doesn't appear to have a robust real estate market so its not like he could sell it). During the "sunny days" (Pooh being "out" and acting as his true self) they are nearly inseparable.
As with my interpretation of Pooh you may think that I am reading way too much into their relationship. Well sorry guys but this is kind of a thing in British Literature since at least the middle ages. And any fujoshi worth her salt will totally see my point.
Tigger: Ah, Tigger. Perhaps the loved of the characters is also the most fucked up of the all. How? Let's start with the fact that Tigger's entire character is based on racist stereotypes. The low hanging fruit is in his name itself: Tigger. Now let's replace that "T" with and "N" and what do you get? Something I am not going to type here or anywhere. Although this taking place in England it's more likely they would call him "Paki" or "Wog". Aside from the name what leads us to think that Tigger is supposed to be non-white? Well he is a tiger. Which are native to India. Which was kind of a colony of...The British Empire. Secondly his behaviors are so ridiculously stereotypical that they are a trope (WARNING TV TROPES LINK FINISH THE ARTICLE FIRST BEFORE YOU WASTE THE REST OF YOUR DAY THERE).
Okay, presuming that the you accept my argument that Tigger is a horribly racist character, you're probably wondering if this can possible get any worse. Well, yes. I'm sorry, it can and will. You see, the thing is that it is hinted at that Tigger is also a pedophile. He constantly lures Roo away from his mother and the others under the guise of a positive male role-model whose endearing and hilarious antics lulls the others into a false sense of safety and trust. Now I am not suggesting that single males are all out to abduct children. But let's face facts, just what sort of "adventures" do you think their having when the others aren't around? Sure they could be just friends with a large age gap, but remember the thing about friendship we saw with Pooh and Piglet? Yeah.
Kanga and Roo: These two are actually the least disturbed of all the characters. Alas, that offers little protection from the truth about them. First of all, we should wonder where Roo's father is. Now since they are both kangaroos they obviously meant to be from, or at least represent, Australia. Australia was fouded as a penal colony by the British, and while the practice had long since ended and Australia gained independence by the time of the Winnie the Pooh, the historical associations suggest that Kanga's husband/Roo's father is absent because he is in prison. On the other hand, it may also be that Roo's father was an aborigine that was denied emigration to the UK and Roo is of mixed race, which may be why he so closely associates with Tigger and Kanga approves of their relationship. She is unable to see Tigger for who he truly is because she see him as a positive male role-model for her son because she is and unwed mother in the harsh community of the Hundred Acre Wood, and she still wants the BBC so she is trying to start a romantic relationship with Tigger.
You know what, I take it back. Kanga and Roo are just as bad as the rest.
Owl: This character is a pretty obvious symbol for God, or at the very least as the local vicar. The others see him as being wise and all-powerful. He lives in a tree that the other characters must look up to and ask (i.e. pray) for him to come down and help them. The owl is also a symbol of wisdom in the West and this further reinforces the interpretation of Owl's divinity.
Eeyore: This donkey has a death wish. Eeyore consumes thistles as a form of self-inflicted pain because he suffers from severe depression and just doesn't have the balls to end it all. He sulks around the Wood and doesn't want anyone around him. You may recognize this character type from another famous piece of British fiction. Oh, look who's a goddamn trope himself (WARNING TVTROPES LINK).
Rabbit: Rabbit is the symbol of "traditional values" and is extremely racist. He is just a poor farmer that raises his own crops outside his cottage. This implies that he is meant to be identified with the working class and the conservative side of British society. He is only openly hateful towards Tigger, who is the only explicitly "black" character, because he is under the impression that the former peoples of the colonies should know their place and act like the sub-human second class citizens that he believes them to be. He also probably blames Tigger and "those people" for increased crime and economic strain since "they took 're jobs". He firmly believes that the day will come when Tigger will be back working for him and not freely roaming about.
Now if he is such an ass, why doesn't he harp on the other characters like Pooh and Piglet who are in a homosexual relationship, and Kanga who is a single mother? My guess is that he views Pooh and Piglet as being just "good friends" who are more like a Holmes and Watson pair or at most like the Ambiguously Gay Duo. As for Kanga and Roo I believe that he at least sympathizes with her circumstances. However, I think it more likely that he is trying to get in her pants ( Let's face it, as the only straight guy his options are limited.) and the fact that she is more interested in Tigger because of her tastes that I talked about above, this only further fuels the hate and resentment he has for Tigger.
Christopher Robin: Besides being a cheating motherfucker at baseball CR, as the only human in setting is probably meant to be interpreted as representing the upper class. He is the only child that ever visits the Hundred Acre Wood so we can guess that the whole area is the private property of his family or on the same estate as his home. In his interactions with the other characters it feels like he is looking down on them and acting like they are children that need to be guided because they don't know what is best for them, and at most they will be humored. Yeah, that sounds like something the upper classes would say about the lower classes.
Well that was my take on Winnie the Pooh's characters. I hope you at least got a good laugh. Honestly, you shouldn't take this too seriously. You can do this sort of stuff with anything if you try hard enough.
If you are still offended you can always hate mail me or just recall Puck's lines at the end of A Midsummer Night's Dream:
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
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